Zindagi na milegi dobara… You only have one life !!

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Poem 1 – I’m alive in the moment

Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,
neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
na kahin hai zameen na kahin aasmaan,
sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,
keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
bas main hoon,
meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,
aur main… sirf main.
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya.

The moment seems to flow like a molten sapphire and there’s deep blue silence,
Neither there is earth below, nor sky above,
The rustling branches, leaves are saying that only you are here,
Only me, my breath and my heartbeat,
Such deepness, such loneliness and me…only me,
It all makes me believe in my existence.

Poem 2 – Love unspoken

Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai

Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai

A thing that still hasn’t come up to my lips and only peeks through my eyes,
It asks for words, sometimes from me and sometimes from you,
So that it can wear those words and come to the lips,
And so that it could be embraced by words..

But this thing is actually a feeling…only a feeling,
It’s like a fragrance floating in the air,
Fragrance, which has no voice…and about which you know and I know too.
It is not hidden from the world, what kind of a secret it is?

Poem 3 – Fleeting pain

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya

Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Whenever the clouds of pain and sadness loomed,
Whenever tears came till the eyelashes,
Whenever this lonely heart got scared,
I told my heart, Oh Heart, why do you cry?
This is what happens in this world…

This deep silence…the world has distributed it to everyone,
Some sadness is a part of everyone’s life,
Some sunshine is a part of everyone’s life,
Your eyes are wet without any reason,
Every second is a new season,
Why do you let go of such priceless moments?
Oh Heart, why do you cry?

Poem 4 – Live free

Dilon me tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Nazar me khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

Hwa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehno sekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sekho
Hr ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Hr ek pal ek nya sama dekhe nigahein
Jo apni ankhon mein hairanian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

If you have eagerness in your heart, it means you are alive,
If your eyes are filled with dreams, it means you are alive
Learn to be free like the wind,
Learn to flow freely like the river,
Embrace every moment with open arms,
See a new horizon every time with your eyes,
If you carry surprise in your eyes, it means you are alive,
If you have eagerness in your heart, it means you are alive…

I picked up all the lyrics and translations from indicine. Liked these poems a lot when I understood them. Felt that it needed to be a part of my blog !!

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A thousand miles I travelled to see you

Seeking to forget myself in you

Guided by hope, and a bit of madness

I knew you were stormy, yet I took my chances

The moment I saw you, you took my breath away

The closer I got to you, the more you toyed with me

Moody one moment, bright the next

I didn’t know what to expect from you

I reached your heart and slept dreaming of a bright sunrise

I woke up to see my hopes in tatters

So close yet so far, I couldn’t give up on you

I’ll wait – for the winds of time to blow away your clouds

I’ll wait – as long as it takes for you to smile at me…

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PS:  The lovely pic courtesy Ram

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Love – the word which defines and defies

Love – without you, there can be no life

Love – the cause of creation & the reason for existence

Love – the root of joy, and sorrow

Love – your nemesis is hate, who would not exist if not for you

Love – your reason evades the unwise, the wise don’t need your reason

Love – so bitter, yet so sweet

Love – hard to say if it’s the poison or the cure, but it’s addictive

Love – a sedative which robs you of sleep

Love – the most unfair of judges, the good suffer the most

Love – you changed me, for better or worse

Love – you made time fly, you also made it stop

Love – you gave me hope, and despair

Love – you filled my life, and made it empty

Love – why do you make me laugh and cry ?

Love – you gave me a future, and now a past

Love – should I curse you, or your victim ?

Love – why was she was not as poisoned by you as me ?

Love – you gave my life purpose, and shattered it without remorse

Love – selfless, yet so selfish

Love – I saw you in her eyes, why did you go from her heart ?

Love – I used to care for her, now I care not for myself

Love – without you, I’m just a puppet robbed of will.

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Just read “The Portrait of Dorian Gray”. One of the most fascinating books and it’s full of wonderful quotes. And it’s a dangerous book as well..

“There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written.”

“All art is quite useless”

“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”

“A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.”

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.”

“You are a wonderful creation. You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know.”

“It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.”

“Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.”

“She behaves as if she was beautiful. Most American women do. It is the secret of their charm”

“I can sympathize with everything, except suffering.”

“Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.”

“Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes.”

“Punctuality is the thief of time.”

“Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

“My dear boy, no woman is a genius. Women are a decorative sex. They never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly. Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.”

“Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.”

“The people who love only once in their lives are really the shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect – simply a confession of failure.”

“Experience was of no ethical value. It was merely the name men gave to their mistakes.”

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.”

“To be in love is to surpass one’s self.”

“You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”

“A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?”

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”

“There were moments when he looked on evil simply as a mode through which he could realise his conception of the beautiful.”

“Women love us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our intellects.”

“A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.”

“Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved.”

“To be popular one must be a mediocrity.”

“It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly.”

“A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on.”

“To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”

“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”

- Oscar Wilde

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Finally, after a very long time, I feel like blogging again. A lot of things have happened between now and then – a few ups, a few downs and a lot of nothingness sandwiched between. Well, isn’t that the normal course of life. A short recap…no, make that a long one !! Professional life is more topsy turvy than ever. I’ve started handling flexibles and foils now – in addition to all the stuff which I’ve been doing since I started on my job. Now, I know what you’re thinking – what is flexibles ? I reply that it’s the stuff which wraps chocolates. And you give me a look which says “What’s the big deal ??” Well, let me not turn my comeback post into a rant…at least not into the very first paragraph.

Personal life – I’ve got a nice apartment in Worli. I pay a bomb for it. But it’s worth every single penny just because it’s 15 minutes from my office. Between myself and my roomie (Ravi), we’ve furnished the place from scratch ourselves. You know, you start developing a sort of pride in such a thing. We’ve got a fridge, washing machine, TV, AC, Playstation 3, a complete cooking range and whatever amenities are needed for a respectable living. We even cook our own dinners. In fact, I’ve become quite good at cooking sambar, rasam, chicken, etc. (now, I burn dinners only once in 4 times). You can try searching heaven and earth for bachelors like us. In fact, my mom thinks it’s a good enough reason to get me married. Hmm..it does seem wierd for a guy like me to be responsible. Thank you Ravi (now I need to work on my lazy bum image a bit more)

So, I now spend my time rushing between 10 things at work and coming home with a feeling of not having done anything right. And what do I do ?? Option a – Cook dinner, Option b – Let my roomies cook. Then, I start playing on the PS3 or I watch anime (yep..I’ve still not grown out of it) or I read manga and go to sleep. Damn, putting this in words makes me sound like a real nerd. Well, who am I fooling ?? I am a nerd and I earn handsomely because of it. The only drawback – I still don’t have a female voice apart from my mom to talk to. and I have the awkward situation of my mom telling me, “You haven’t found a girlfriend and you’re not letting me find a bride for you”…Ouch, it hurts !

Anyway, my pal tells me to get out there and get myself a girlfriend. I earn decently, am smart and witty and I’m a nice guy. So, why can’t you get a gf ?? Well, for starters, it’s not written on my forehead that I work as a manager in a MNC. And point 2, I don’t have any cute girls in my office who I want as my gf. Neither do I have some old college/school friends who I can connect through facebook. And how many couples are formed outside college / office in India ? Well, I can find nice girls in pubs and maybe dancing classes…theoretically. Practically, the only time I ever go to pubs is with my buddies who want to get drunk and ogle at girls or crib about them. Not really the ideal scenario to chat up girls. And anyway, I have to be born under a lucky star to get a single girl in a pub…and she shouldn’t be surrounded by a bunch of brain-dead guys trying to get her attention. And even if I’m born under a lucky star, I still can’t imagine myself walking up and asking, “Hey. Wanna have a drink / coffee / ice cream with me ?” I know…I sound pathetic. So, with office, school, college and pubs seeming quite distant, what am I left with ? Dancing classes ? Maybe I should try the ballet…

Siva

In a glance, nothing would seem out of the ordinary in our little setting. Just 3 guys sipping coffee and killing time with nonsensical banter. To an extent, it was true. We were not talking what each of really wanted to. The 2 guys sitting in front of me were the biggest obstacles I had to overcome. They have always been there to taunt me. Both of them had what I so dearly wanted, in the palms of their hands. And they were so ready to throw it all away.

We were classmates in college. Each of us were so different. I don’t believe that it was fate which brought us together. Each of us held a piece the other wanted. I’m Siva – the straight and hard-working guy in class. One of the types who doesn’t miss a class, takes notes and has his future chalked out in front of him. My only aim in life was to get a decent paying job in an IT company. I didn’t have much money to think of higher education. So, here I was in a good college. I was getting good grades. And getting a job should have been a cinch for me. My only piece of bad luck. I was enlightened by Kris and Ganny…

Ganny

It doesn’t feel like 3 years have passed by. Siva’s weak smile is the same as usual. Poor guy needs a class in “not-showing” his each and every emotion. He’s never comfortable meeting people and I guess our reunion is no exception. He he.. Maybe, Kris is also intrigued by his insecurity. If only Siva were more confident, he’d rise miles above Kris and me.

And Kris is as smug as ever. His smile has not lost any of its charm. He’s the same guy who used to think he was miles away from the rest of the crowd. And damn it, he really is an original piece. I’ve seen other geniuses. But even geniuses have doubts. Kris doesn’t. Unlike Siva, I know I can never be Kris. Or Siva for that matter. And I can never hope to reach the heights these 2 were flying at. I’m just happy to fly my kite from the ground.

I remember our first meeting in college. Kris and Siva just started as interesting characters to be with. I don’t know when my curiosity became an obsession. I always make a lot of friends. But somehow, none were as special as these two. Siva had a determination and ambition equalled by none. And this was exactly what Kris sorely lacked. Well, he didn’t care which way his life was headed. He was just the type of guy for whom things just clicked without him trying. They were 2 opposite poles. And both of them didn’t have the slightest interest in how they appeared to others. I still wonder how I came into the picture. Maybe I was a specimen to be analysed by them. Or maybe, it was just because I was their antenna to the outside world. Or the fact that I was going out with a girl both of them liked. But I guess that happened quite late after we met.

Kris

Man, these guys haven’t changed much in 3 years.  Siva is still boring as hell. And he’s still not given up. Ganny is as playful as ever. He he.. He’s still looking at the girls the same way. And worse, they’re also looking at him the same way. Still, it gives me a guilty high to see that they’re still jealous of me. I guess they still don’t realise it. I’m just a shadow of their dreams. I’m not as brilliant as either of them believe me to be. Yes, I can think quick. But my work will never be as good as Siva’s. And I’ll never be able to be as social as Ganny. I still have too high an ego to approach people with ease.

But, I’ll always be the king of my island and frankly speaking, who needs more than that. Well, I need more than that. I want the innocence which Siva has. I want the charm which Ganny has. I don’t want the lives of Siva or Ganny. I just wish I could think like Siva and act like Ganny. I wish I could not be the Kris whom these 2 admire. Wishful thinking, I know. But still, I don’t feel so alone with these 2 around me. Siva doesn’t know loneliness. He cares only for his family and I guess, for the 2 of us. Ganny knows how to handle loneliness. He’s the only guy I know who can speak to any person straight from his heart without hesitation. That’s why he’s got Priya while I’m stuck watching romantic movies.

Oh well, here’s our coffee.

Ganny: Hey! How are you guys ? Been such a long time…

—end of part 1—

American Beauty

Well, I’m just doing what most bloggers do when they hit a block – write about favorite movies, books, etc. No harm doing it too since these movies are simply a must-watch in my collection.

This is one movie which has totally captivated me. And this is also a movie which surprised me because people who I respect to have similar tastes as myself don’t  quite appreciate this little gem. For one, the movie has awesome dialogues. Quite a few of my favorite quotes are from this movie. I’ll just state one – “It’s a great thing when you realise you still have the ability to surprise yourself.“

If you unravel the movie of its sexual themes, dysfunctional family, drugs, job, social eccentricities, etc., it might just reveal something quite beautiful. Just dwell on these lines – “I am a freak and I’ll always be a freak… And you’ll never be a freak coz you’re just too.. perfect“. Well, in my opinion, the movie actually defines crazyness as  normal. Guess that statement wouldn’t make sense to many. And of course, that’s just one bit of the movie.  Add to that the sexual themes and the entire package. It sort of explains why I don’t have much company in liking this movie. And which actually makes me quite proud.

Life is Beautiful (La Vita è bella)

This is a movie which I’m yet to hear any people dislike (except for my roommate who slept within 10 mins of the movie..exception cases). Now, if you haven’t seen this one, you can’t call yourself a movie lover. I couldn’t imagine of any better character to symbolise optimism and moral strength. It’s a war movie with a difference. Unlike Schindler’s List and Hotel Rwanda (2 other movies which I admire, but will not be discussing here), this movie looks at war in a totally different angle.

I was in fact searching for quotes which would describe the movie in totality.  In fact, the title is the only quote which could describe the movie. It’s actually delightful that all the quotes made by the hero are extremely light-hearted and  would not convey the gravity which the situations in the movie carry.  A movie that would truly make you think at the end of it – “Life is beautiful“.

City of God (Cidade de Deus)

It’s getting weird that one more foreign language film makes it into my favorite film list. But “City of God” is a definitive mafia movie. Unlike Godfather (not really my favorite since I like the book more), this one doesn’t even slightly try to glorify gangsters. Sure, it shows that gangsters are human. Just that they live by a different set of rules – you may call it ethics if you may. The right way to put this film in words is – it will shake your frame of reference. For example, you would even see kids killing without the slightest hesitation and the disturbing aspect is – it doesn’t seem out of place. The movie has a very relaxed feel to it. It’s almost as if the movie doesn’t take itself seriously even while conveying a very strong message. And the movie in Tamil which was ‘supposedly’ inspired by this (Pudupettai) is also worth watching in my opinion.

Grave of the Fireflies (Hotaru no haka)

Anime is my personal favorite. And if I remember right, this was the first anime movie I took the trouble of downloading. The animation quality is not that great considering the movie’s made in 1988. The movie is pretty slow. And it’s the most depressing movie I’ve ever seen. And despite all that, I love the movie !!

It’s again about war without actually showing any violence. And you’d really have to be heartless if a tear or two doesn’t trickle from your eyes. It’s not a movie you’d enjoy watching countless times. But it’s the sort of movie you can’t erase from your memories after one watch. The characters really behave like real children. And the story seems straight out of a Dickens novel. The ending of the movie is known right away. But you’d find yourself rooting for the siblings as they plod on with determination and have their moments of joy even when their very next day seems hopeless. The movie is actually summed up by a comment from IMDb – “The best movie you’ll never want to see again “. Beleive me, it’s a painful movie to sit through. But it’s something that is a work of art. Nothing less.

Requiem for a Dream

I must really apologise to the light-hearted folks. All my selections have been getting progressively darker. And Requiem’s a perfect example of a dark movie. Unlike many other movies on drug addiction, you don’t see a ray of hope at the end. This movie is more powerful than any anti-drug documentary could ever hope to be in its dreams. It holds back no punches and accurately shows the descent into drugs, the highs and of course, the rockbottom.

And like the other movies in my list, the common thread is – it’s so real it’s scary. The funny thing is I’ve already disclosed the basic premise of the story and even if you know the ending and what to expect from the movie, the journey is an absolute roller-coaster without any seatbealts.

When Harry Met Sally

For a change, a romance movie fits into my list. Now, the above movies might give the impression that I just love the twisted movies. On contarry, I also enjoy the simple love stories. There are a lot of really good ones like “My Sassy Girl“, “As Good as it Gets“, “Titanic“, “Amelie“, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind“. But somehow, Harry met Sally has something special. Maybe it’s because of Harry’s cynical nature or Sally’s high maintenance, somehow the 2 of them seem to have real chemistry. Harry and Sally are in no way ideal people. If you met a person like either of them outside the movie, you’re very likely to just ignore them. Maybe that’s what makes it special. And not to mention some very powerful dialogue. I’m a guy who loves good dialogues and this movie has plenty of it. But other than the dialogue and the 2 characters, the rest of the cast and the story might very well be out of a Bollywood movie. But still, I love it and that’s what matters. Not to mention, it did inspire “Hum Tum“. But that was not even close to the original.

There are so many more movies that I want to write about. I’ve been seeing on TV about 50 movies that you have to watch before you die. Amazingly, I can now think of as many movies that have captivated me. So many good movies and so many more that I’ve not yet seen. At the end of writing this, I almost get the feeling of having seen these movies over again. Incomparable.

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Just read this old post of mine by chance.

http://samraj.wordpress.com/2007/07/11/classroom-rants/

“Today I had an exceedingly packed schedule from 9AM to 8.30PM. And to add salt to injury, I had the worst “gas” classes imaginable such as “Soft Skills”, HR, DBMS and more crap. I wrote the following stuff during my GSBD (Global Sourcing and Business Development) class.

Why the fuck am I sitting in this class? I am not listening to anything he says. And he doesn’t seem to give a shit about it. All I hear are jargons like exports, imports, quality and such nonsensical words which for some odd reason make me want to puke. In fact, the entire class is a joke. Out of 46 people, there about 20 people in class. A few guys are recording (yes, they ‘record’) all the bullshit that the prof spouts. I’ve got nothing against the prof. It’s just that I’ve got nothing to like about him either. These ‘recorder’ dudes actually seem to enjoy this freakshow. Then, there are the few guys who try in vain to act like they’re listening. I also do this at times. It’s not the fault of these guys – years of education has conditioned them to act in this mindless fashion. Then, there are the others who do whatever they wish – read the papers, do crosswords, catch up on the latest gossip or like me, rant about the studpidity of the whole thing. To reiterate my actual point, what the fuck am I doing ?

PS: This rant was written when I was exceedingly bored, had nothing to read and was in no mood to gossip. But it’s pretty accurate for most boring classes anyway.”

And boy, I just found another definition of irony. The subject (Global Sourcing and Business Development) which I was so frustrated with is the closest one to my current job. Ha. I wouldn’t have dreamt of it then. I can now remember the old Sahib droning on about EXIM norms while I was ranting away to glory. There were about 10 students in class. The usual 3-4 guys taking notes in front of the prof. The rest of the guys playing around, sleeping or chattering at the back. And me, who had to sit in just for attendance and was just bored. I didn’t hate the subject. I just didn’t find anything to love about it. So, I just started questioning my very existence. Not in the universe or something. Just my existence in that class. And voila, a half-baked rant was born.

Now, I’m talking sourcing, development, strategy and stuff like that for more than half my waking hours. Life’s like that. You think something’s shit and it might just turn out to be something you like. And you will be reminded of the irony so that you just stop and think – “Life has a weird sense of humour !!”

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Chocolate or strawberry ?

Maths Homework or Max Payne ?

Chemistry class or Rajni movie ?

Engineer or Doctor ?

Mechanical or Electronics ?

Job or higher studies ?

India or abroad ?

Money or satisfaction ?

Friend or lover ?

Wife or parents ?

CBSE or ICSE ?

Home or Office ?

Agree or disagree ?

You or me ?

Yesterday or today ?

Hold on or Let go ?

Chocolate or strawberry ?